The Birthday Wish

For grown-ups

What this story is about

Birthdays are big. Children count the days for weeks, and the night before, many are far too excited to sleep. On the day itself, the noise, the presents and all that attention can tip joy into tears, and some children quietly wonder what being bigger will mean. In this story your child follows their own birthday wish around the world, collects small gifts of kindness, and learns one calm little trick from a snow hare. When the wish flickers, your child uses it, and at the end it turns the birthday candle into a moment of calm and love.

Three ways to talk about it

• Name the mix: "You're so excited your whole body feels fizzy. That's a big feeling, and it's okay to have it."
• Practise the trick before the day, on a dandelion clock, a spoonful of hot soup or a pretend candle, so it is easy to find when the room gets loud.
• Keep one quiet moment in the birthday: a cuddle, a story or a slow breath together, away from the presents and the guests.

Three questions to ask

• What did each friend add to the wish? Which present would you have liked best?
• Who do you think of when you close your eyes?
• What is different now that you are a year bigger, and what is still the same?

Practise the tool together: Close your eyes, think of someone you love, then blow

Before the candles, or any time feelings fizz over, sit close to your child and close your eyes together. Ask softly, "Who are you thinking of?" and give them a moment to picture someone they love. Then breathe in slowly through the nose and blow out long and gently, as if to make a candle flicker without blowing it out. Try it at bedtime in the days before the birthday, use it on the day itself, and keep it for every birthday after.

If big feelings around birthdays, parties or other exciting days often end in very long meltdowns, or worries about growing up keep your child from sleeping or enjoying things, it is worth talking to your paediatrician or a child psychologist.